Growing up in a tapestry of traditions
I could say I am not rooted in just one
culture fully, nor could I ever claim that I belong to a single tradition. I
think a lot of people in my generation can relate to this. One’s identity is
not fixed, it keeps moving, shifting, and evolving over time. Anthropological
studies have always underlined that identity is fluid, and I see that reflecting
in my own life. Different cultural influences over time have shaped my habits,
beliefs, and ways of seeing the world, sometimes, even I do not realize that
they are blending.
As I grew up, I have experienced and
lived between multiple languages, customs, and rituals. I keep wondering myself,
how people with different cultural backgrounds can think, believe and live in
distinct ways and still coexist. Bourdieu (1977) has described this concept
through habitus, explaining that an individual’s habits, skills, and
dispositions are shaped by lived experiences. It’s not just personal identity
that forms this way, but entire social structures. For me, it has been an
ongoing part of my life and culture has been naturally blending as I am raised and
have been living in a mix of different family traditions.
Nepal has been a junction of cultures. Historically,
we can reason that migration, trade and colonial influences have shaped its
cultures. ‘Rai’ people are believed to be among the earliest inhabitants of the
eastern Himalaya and part of the broader ‘Kiratis’. Ancient inscriptions from
the ‘Licchavi’ period indicate that ‘Kirats’ has ruled Kathmandu Valley before the
‘Licchavis’. On the other hand, “Tamang” people, rooted to Tibet and migrated
towards south over centuries, contributes to Nepal’s rich ethnic mosaic.
Tamangs played an elementary role in the trans-Himalayan trade of salt, wool,
and grains and well-established trade routes.
My cultural capital (Bourdieu, 1986)
comes from these two distinct ethnic groups. My mother is Rai who are the
resident of the eastern part of Nepal and my father is Tamang resident of
kavepalanchowk, centre part of Nepal. I spent nine years of my childhood (ages
6–15) in Beltar, Udayapur, at my ‘mamaghar’ (maternal uncle’s home). That was
where I grew up, surrounded by my ‘mama’, ‘maiju’, ‘hajurba’, ‘hajuraama’
(maternal uncle. Aunt and grandparents), cousins and lots of relatives. My
mother, though she lived in Kathmandu after her marriage, is originally from
the Rai (Puma) community. My ‘mama’ migrated from Khotang, Chisapani, and
started an English-medium school named Puma English Boarding School and that is
where I completed my school (as the first batch of students).
Beltar, inner terai, beautifully
surrounded by green hills located at the base of hills, popular as a marketplace
for surrounded hillly people is a Rai-dominated community, so naturally, I learned
the language and culture. I even developed an accent, which my mother and
brother would tease me about whenever I visited Kathmandu during summer
vacations. Childhood tastes have a bigger influence on us too. I grew up loving
pork, a prime meal in Rai culture. Among the Rai, vanja/vanji’ (a niece or
nephew) hold a sacred significance, with mama and maiju bowing to their feet as
a sign of respect. The Rai traditions date back to animist and shamanistic
practices from ancient Himalayan civilizations, continue today through
festivals like Sakela ‘Ubhauli’, Udhauli’ and other rituals like ‘Samkha’
(praying, sacrificing and offering to ancesters’ and belief in ‘jadibuti’(natural
herbs), Dhami/Jhakri(shaman) etc, which mark the cycles of nature. The Rai way
of life, as they worship ancestors and nature, has a deep imprint on me.
On the other hand, my father’s side of
the family comes from Kavrepalanchok district, Timal Municipality, a Tamang
village settled on the banks of the Sunkoshi River. Today, the place is
popularly known for its originality of ‘Buddhachitta’ beads. He belongs to the
Dong thar (clan), and he always tells us that the Dongs were once kings, and we
are their descendants. The traces of their palaces are still visible in the
village. Tamangs have preserved their own Buddhist legacy, evident in the
monasteries, mani stones, festivals and rituals. Nepali was a second language
for my father, he learned it later in his life only when he started traveling
outside the village. Even today, most of his generation speaks only Tamang language
at home.
I became more immersed in Tamang culture
when I moved to Kathmandu for college after completing my SLC and I started
living with my family. Tamangs practice
endogamy, where cross-cousin marriages are common as they historically strengthen
family bonds. This system gives special importance to the ‘asyaang/aangi’(maternal
uncle and aunt, also father and mother-in-law), who are highly respected by
vanja/vanji.
It was fascinating for me to compare
these different cultural perspectives. At my ‘mamaghar’, I was always treated
with deep respect, with my ‘mama’ and ‘maiju’ bowing to me. But in Tamang
culture, the expectation was just the opposite. I had to bow to my ‘asyaang/aangi’.
Even your fupu’s (father’s sister) husband is your ‘asyaang’. The ways animals
were perceived in Rai and Tamang were completely different. In Rai culture,
pigs hold sacred value, while goats require purification rituals if touched.
But in Tamang households, goats are commonly raised, while pigs don’t carry the
same significance. I find myself navigating both perspectives, purifying myself
after eating goats at my ‘mamaghar’, and doing the same after eating pork at my
father’s home.
There are many more cultural differences
that I have personally experienced between my mother and father’s culture. Even
though, both ethnic group Rai and Tamang are indigenous, and sub categorized
under the same ‘Varna’ of Nepali Caste system i.e. ‘Vaisya’ where they are
called ‘Matwali’. Not just their history and geography, if we have a closer
look and deeper understanding, we can see the differences in their languages,
religious beliefs and practices, rituals- be it for birth, death or marriage
etc, overall social structures are unique to one another.
Most of the Tamang, although they belong
to different clans from different places, speak Tamang language which is more
uniform and maybe a slight difference in the tone can be seen from one place to
another. Tamangs also have their own scripts and have preserved their culture,
identity and traditions in the texts. Whereas Rai has languages that vary
completely to each clan. They speak in numerous dialects, for example, Puma Rai,
Chamling Rai, Bantawa Rai, Thulung Rai, Kulung Rai and so on have their own and
different dialects.
Marriage practices also vary extensively.
In the Rai community, there are strict rules which prevent marriage within the
same ‘Paachhaa’ (bloodline) for at least three to seven generations, while in
Tamang culture, the definition of bloodline follows a different system. ‘Thar’ (Clan)
plays rather important role in marriage practices. Although both have a history of elopement,
marriage practice by eloping. I have heard stories of my elderly relatives both
from my father and mother where people go either to ‘Haat bazaar’ or ‘Jatra’
and ‘Mela’ (all are people’s gathering for business, recreation, fun and
celebration). Unmarried girls and boys sing and compete, and the loser will
have to go home with the winner and be considered as married if the winner is
willing for it. This is one of the ways people get married. However, Rai
community follows exogamous and Tamang endogamous. They have their own process
and other rituals of marriage function. I have witnessed both Rai and Tamang
marriage functions. A unique tradition in the Rai community includes ‘Bulu
Batuka’ (a traditional bronze bowl). When a daughter is getting married, her
parents provide her with a ‘bulu botuka’ that she takes with her and offers it
to her marital family. This process includes certain rituals that may vary with
the community. However, a symbolic meaning as I was asking my grandfather once about
this is that it symbolizes that a daughter is now taken out from her family ‘Chulo’(for
Rai, all their ancestors and livings have a sacred space within their ‘Chulo’-
a main fireplace made up of three large stones) and transferred to her
husband’s ‘Chulo’. It is now responsibility of her marital family to take care
of her all life and after death. When my brother was getting married, I came to
know about the ‘Char dam’ which is another unique tradition of Tamang
community. ‘Char dam’ physically is a coin that the parents of a bride provide
to the groom following certain rituals and promises. Again, it has a symbolic
meaning. My father told me that the married couple should keep that coin very
safely, it is a promise made by the groom to the bride’s parents that he will
take care of their daughter all her life and it is also a right given by the
bride’s parents to the groom and his family. Symbolically, it refers that they are
handing over the rights of their daughter to the groom, all her flesh and bones
now belong to the groom and his family, and it is for them to take care of her
even after the death. The rituals must be performed by her husband’s family.
However, I remember my father telling me that for us, that means for Dong
Tamang from Timal do not practice char-dam, they do not handover their daughter
fully, the groom’s family will have to return their daughter’s body to them
when she dies.
I remember my mother used to tell us “When
I die, do not let me burn, I feel scared of that. Please bury me.” I know she tells
this because she has grown up seeing people buried when they decease, this is
the practice in Rai community, they follow burial ritual. For Tamang, cremation
is performed. As for the rituals in Tamang community, lama guides the soul of
the deceased one towards the liberation and rebirth. They do the chantings and
death rituals are performed as ‘Ghewa’ led by Lama Gurus or 3rd, 7th
and 49th day after the death. Whereas in Rai Community, ‘Dhami’
(Shamans) are called upon to guide deceased person’s soul through certain
rituals to join the ancestor’s realm. ‘Dhami’ has a very significant role in
ensuring the spirit of the deceased finds their way and that they do not linger
and harm the living ones. Dhami even communicates with the spirit and ensures
if they have any messages to convey to the living family members. I saw this ritual
when my ‘Maiju’ (maternal aunt) passed away. During one of the rituals that
must be performed after the death, ‘Dhami’ communicates with her and through his
mouth, she communicates to let the family know about a small golden jewelry
that she had kept in her bedroom and informed no one. Of course, Dhami
translated the message for the family. Later, my mama found one golden piece of
jewelry in the place as mentioned. This is one of the cases that I have
witnessed to my amusement, I am sure there are many such stories people can
tell. Such rituals have regular practices and beliefs among the Rai community who
have an oral religious history and tradition based on ‘Mundhum’ over the
centuries. Death rituals in Rai Community are not just witnessing the connection
between human, nature and the spiritual/ancestral world but also maintaining
their harmony.
Of course, these customs are deeply
connected to the broader history of ethnic diversity in Nepal. Well, I am
sharing all these experiences as I have realized that my identity and my belonging
are not connected to just one culture. I have been weaving them across traditions,
and it has been a continuous process of blending, reshaping, and evolving. And
maybe that’s the beauty of it.
Finding new self and expanding cultural
capital
Being born to a Tamang father and a Rai
mother, I grew up grasping the spiritual and social traditions of both the
cultures. However, my life has taken a new turn when I met my husband and got
married to a Newar family in Patan. Patan itself being one of the historical
and cultural epicenters of the Kathmandu Valley. In its heart, Patan carries
the stories of centuries.
Historically, Patan seems to be a
melting pot of trade and skills. We can see that Buddhist cultures, traditions
and practices with its Hindu influence prevailing here. There are many temples
and monasteries, for example, the Golden Temple (Hiranya Varna Mahavihar). The
rituals are the influences of Vajrayana and Hindu practices, quite distinct
from Tibetan and Tamang Buddhism( Encyclopedia of
Buddhism).
I was also introduced to Guthi, one of
the most overwhelming milestones in my married journey as it is a ritual of
entering into the broader community and seeking blessings of our ‘Kuldeuta’(ancestral
deity). Guthi is a traditional socio religious institution and an incredible social
structure of Newar community. There are certain rituals followed during the ceremony
which certainly has its deeply rooted meaning. For me, it is an indication of
my acceptance not just within my marital family but within the broader
community. My mother-in-law says that our Guthi has 42 families involved as one
community. The ceremony was organized in the presence of the elders of the
community, they are called ‘Aaju’. It includes sacred offerings from each
family, recital of traditional prayers and the sharing of ritual meal ‘Bhoj’ at
the common place of ‘Kuldeuta’. The Process is an emphasizing of inclusion of
newly married daughters in law like me in the lineage. There were many newly
married daughters in law on that particular day when they also perform
‘Kulpuja’ (praying ancestors). Generations have been upholding these customs. The
institution has a huge role in maintaining and overseeing festivals, rituals
and social responsibilities. The Guthi system, I get to witness that the
overall structure is more than just rituals and festivals, it is a living
archive of Newar culture.
Now,
as a part of a Guthi member, I have my roles and responsibilities as Newari
daughter in law and Awale Family for the continuation of age-old tradition. For
me, entering the Guthi also means strengthening my cultural identity. It is not
merely a responsibility but an honor, a commitment to preserving and practicing
Newari traditions but still holding space for my Tamang and Rai Culture.
It has been an interesting journey for
me to incorporate daily Newari rituals into my life. Each morning begins with ‘Nitya puja’ (daily
Praying) at home. It includes offerings of tika, flowers, rice, bitten rice,
fruits, and incense for the gods in the household shrine. The puja is not
limited inside Puja room, daily puja also includes praying and offering to ‘Kumar’
that is placed outside of door and in front of the house, doors and sun god
usually placed at the roof. Because Patan Newars have Buddhist influences,
there are shrines of buddhas and flags placed at the rooftop, we pray them too.
I feel that with this practice we are guided to connect ourselves to both our ancestors
and the divine. My religious routine extends beyond my home, as I frequently
visit Ganesh and other divine temples such as Narayan Temple, Bal kumari
temple, Bhairav temple etc. scattered around the alleys and courtyards of Patan.
These temples are integral to Newar culture and hold ecological, emotional,
social, and historical significance for sure.
The offerings of food and fruits serve
as a daily meal for the birds nestled around Patan. I have witnessed that there
are more birds and animals in Patan than in other later-settled urban areas. I
personally feel very glad to feed those little birds (mostly crows, pigeons,
and sparrows) early in the morning with my daily puja. The temples are mostly
built by the side of sacred peepal trees and symbolize the perfect integration
of nature and spirituality. The trees not only provide shade and fresh air but
also sustain the urban environment among the rapid modernization maintaining
the ecology. These places also have emotional and social importance, they are
playing roles of common spaces where neighbors gather and share their stories.
This helps in building and strengthening the bonds between people.
Historically, they serve as witnesses to the prevailing legacy of Newar
craftsmanship as in each temple we can see the great architectures and wood
carvings. There are age-old inscriptions that reflect centuries of devotion.
Cultural blend and living multiple
legacies
Recalling very quickly, the cultural
differences I have been perceiving, living and performing. Rai festivals are
seasonal and deeply rooted to ecological adaptation as it proofs that they are
nature worshippers. On the contrary, Tamang have their structured calendar
which has a Buddhist influence. The celebration of Lhochhar which literally
means, Lho- year and chhar-New. As Clifford Geertz articulated Symbolic
Anthropology where rituals act as models of and for reality. In this case, time
is represented in a cycle of twelve animal years. (for example, the cat year under
which I was born). This cycle of years is also related to Buddhist Zodiac
system and emphasizes the identity of people through temporal belonging.
Whereas the Newar community has a
particularly unique practice of the lunar calendar. Unlike the Gregorian and
Nepali calendar with Bikram Sambat that are very dominant in Nepal, Newars have
their own Nepal Sambat calendar and use it not only for the festivals but also
on celebration of birthdays. Birthdays are based on Tithi or the lunar phase on
which a person is born. Lunar calendars are significantly aligned with
celestial cycles.
When we celebrate Dashain, after my
marriage, it is even a perfect example of cultural blending. At home, we put
red tika (rice mixed with Abir-red colored powder), while at my parents’ place,
the tika is white (rice mixed with yogurt). Rai also has the custom of putting
white tika during Dashain festival, however, they put tika all over the
forehead. It is believed that leaving no space while putting tika on the
forehead brings good luck and abundant blessings.
When it comes to death rituals, both Rai
and Tamang communities deviate from the ‘Shraadha’, (annually observed death
ritual). ‘Shraadha’ ritual is followed by a feast (bhoj) which is commonly
practiced across various other castes of Nepal however, what makes it unique
and amazes me is the inclusion of buffalo meat. The feast is inclusive of many other
foods item, this is one of an events where, families. relatives, kins and friends
are invited in honor of their ancestors. This is a common practice of remembrance
and continuity.
As my adjustment to new places, family
dynamics and living situation continues, I find myself immersed in a cultural
journey that spans around three distinct ethnic identities; Tamang, Rai, and
Newar. I must say, I do not feel restricted by the expectations and beliefs of
my new family, rather, I feel lucky that my family is open minded and flexible.
The traditions, intricate rituals, and heritage of rich Newari culture have
been as fascinating as I am inclined to both Rai and Tamang cultures.
Do I find my rhythm while I dance to
many drums? Well, the personal ethnography of my everyday life and practices is
a mirror to the blending of my rhythm. With the illustration of these stories
with multiple cultural faces, I am negotiating my identity where my cultures meet
and intersects and blends. Neither do I
choose to limit myself to a single ethnicity, nor do I feel like any cultural
losses rather, I feel proud to embrace the blending of multiple cultures. The
perfect example of the anthropological concept of cultural hybridity where multicultural
influences exists and create and recreate meanings in daily life. Appadurai
(1996) has explored the concept of cultural hybridity as “Scapes” in the
context of globalization. He explains how cultures move across countries, blend
and form hybrid cultures. I chose a blending of cultures and customs rather
than choosing one over another. My wedding function was a mixture of both
Buddhist and Newari ritual. Both Guvaju and Lama read Mantras and offered their
blessings and tied the knot of two families. I wore ‘banarasi sari’ (that
Newari bride wears) and ‘Kuching’ and ‘ghalek’ Tamang dress (usually Tamang
brides wear) on my wedding day. Rai and Tamang weddings both have the practice
of gift exchange (as koseli and sagun), the rituals are symbolically and
spiritually rich. Even Newars have such rituals. We had ‘supari’(where mother-in-law
come to bride’s house with lots of ‘sagun’ (clothes, dry and seasonal fruits, foods,
jewelries etc.) and blessed her to be daughter in law. Well, this has a deep symbolic
meaning which confirms the relation and marriage function. These gifts are more
than just materialistic gestures, they are the act of respect, continuity and reciprocity
(Mauss, 2015). Following modern trends,
we also had separate engagement ceremony and reception. Overall, it was an interpretation
of traditional and urban marriage function and blend of multiethnic practices.
On regular basis, I attend and perform Tamang Buddhist
Puja/Prayers and offer laddus and fruits to Hindu god Ganesh alongside. I dance
to Tamang Selo music, Rai’s Sakela and Newa Tune with the same enthusiasm. I
celebrate ‘Udhauli’ (Rai festival) and Sonam Lhosar (Tamang’s New year
festival) with the same interest as I celebrate Dashain and Tihar or any Jatra
and Bhoj at Patan. I prepare momo, ‘Gundruk’ and ‘Chhoila’ in the same kitchen.
Although, it took a very long time for my
mother’s acceptance in our family and it is a different story of my mother’s
marital life with my father and her relation with our relatives. We are a happy
family now. My experience of acceptance from my marital family, relatives and the
broader Newar community is one of the most special and comforting aspects of my
journey. Yes, traditionally such cross-cultural ties might have faced resistance,
however, modernity has encouraged better openness. My family has embraced the
blend of traditions too. I am not the only one coming from a different identity
and cultural background. My extended family and relatives have experienced the blend
of multi-ethnic and multi-national cultures. Family have accepted Thakali, Sunuwar,
Tamang, etc and not limited to national ethnic but also international daughters
and sons in laws. Younger generations are growing up witnessing and
appreciating cultural blends and making Nepal’s multi-ethnic and multinational
landscapes more inclusive and vibrant.
Lalitpur, Kathmandu and many other
historical places have stories and evidence of absorbing and preserving diverse
cultural influences over the centuries. My life between cultures is not a new story
but a confirmation to rich multicultural landscape of Nepal. It is a living
narrative of cultural blend rooted in history yet evolving with time. The story comprehends both ways. First, it highlights
the diversity of Nepal’s indigenous groups, diverse not just in their
traditions, rituals, language and culture that we can see but also in how life,
death, marriage, kinship etc are interpreted. Second, it also reflects the
power of love and respect and the beauty of adapting and blending cultures.
References
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large: Cultural dimensions of globalization. University of Minnesota Press.
Bourdieu, P. (1977). Outline of a
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sociology of education (pp. 241–258). Greenwood Press.
Encyclopedia of Buddhism. (n.d.).
Geertz, C. (1973). The Interpretation
of Cultures. Basic Books.
Holmberg, D. H. (1989). Order in
Paradox: Myth, Ritual and Exchange among Nepal’s Tamang. Cornell University
Press.
Levi-Strauss, C. (1969). The
Elementary Structures of Kinship. Beacon Press.
Mauss, M. (2016). The gift: Forms and
functions of exchange in archaic societies (I. Cunnison, Trans.). Martino
Fine Books. (Original work published 1925)
Turner, V. (1967). The Forest of
Symbols. Cornell University Press.
Van Gennep, A. (1909). The Rites of
Passage. University of Chicago Press.
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